It’s confusing being a dog

Hello, it’s Roger.

Some of you have been asking what type of dog I am. Well, that has been a very difficult question to answer. I’m a brown dog. I’m a bit of a shaggy dog. I’m a needle-teeth dog. I’m a sleepy dog. I’m a fast dog. I’m a happy dog. Really, I’m a lots-of-things-type-of-dog-dog. But, I am also a Labradoodle dog. I know that because I heard Big Boss telling someone on the phone the other day that I was a Labradoodle dog. She said: ‘Roger is a Labradoodle dog.’ So, that’s how I know I am a Labradoodle dog.

Since then, I have thought very hard about being a Labradoodle dog. I think it means I was once a Labrador dog, and then I ate a packet of noodles and became a Labradoodle dog. But that confuses me because I can’t remember ever eating a packet of noodles. And here’s the really confusing bit: I have eaten a lot of crackers. I sneak into the kitchen and when any of the bosses leave the biscuit drawer open, I pick up a packet of crackers in the blink of a hair-covered eye and I sneak away to a quiet corner to have a big feast. So, here’s the question: Shouldn’t I be a Labracracker dog? And if that doesn’t confuse me enough, I’ve heard Bald Boss say to Big Boss: ‘I think Roger is going to be a cracker of a dog!’ So, how do you think I feel? It’s soooo difficult being a dog. In fact I think I would be less confused if I had to do Boy Boss’s maths homework, and considering I can’t even count, can you imagine how difficult that would be for me?

So, to keep things simple, I’ve decided what type of dog I am. I am a brown-dog-bit-of-a-shaggy-dog-needle-teeth-dog-sleepy-dog-fast-dog-happy-dog-lots-of-things-type-of-dog-dog-Labradoodle-dog that eats crackers.  It’s as simple as that.

I’m tired.

I need a sleep.

Wags from afar,

Roger.